Just last month, for almost only one week, I received three rejections. I repeat, three rejections. A fraction of a moment in my 20th life of living on this earth, I was declined. Like an empty credit card, like an expired drink, a useless pen unable to write. That week wasn’t the most dreadful week in my life, yet I’m not going to lie, it Sucks (with a capital S). Physically, it felt like a jab, a punch in the stomach then an uppercut. Emotionally, it made me feel so incompetent and useless like I was a glitch, no meant path to take, just meant to mess up and be rejected.
One rejection would be enough to sink down my self-esteem towards the core of the earth, but three? It just stomped on it until it was powdered into non-existence.
But hey! It is all naturale , fMRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain (G. Winch, Ph. D. Psychology Today, 2013) makes sense why it hurts like a b-
According to Cambridge English Dictionary, Rejection is the act of refusing to accept, use, or believe someone or something. There would still be pain no matter the cause, job interview, college admission, first love, or rejection to accept a day-expired coupon at a fast-food chain. However, there are a lot of famous, and respected people whose rejection once has been a frequent occurrence in their life, but still made it to success.
Steve Jobs for one, got fired from his very own company. Anna Wintour, one of the biggest names in fashion, was fired after 9 months at Harper’s Bazaar, she then said “I recommend that you all get fired. It’s a great learning experience.” Another is Steven Spielberg, who was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theatre, Film, and Television, not twice, but thrice, now has 3 Oscars, 7 Golden Globes, 11 Emmys. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as an evening news reporter but now has her own daytime TV show. Lastly, Madonna, dropped out of college, couldn’t last a day working at Dunkin’ Donuts, and was rejected by one record company, now has 266 awards and is working till today.
It’s been quite a while since that bundle of rejection came on my doorstep in a big red bow. And here I am, still a mess, but living nonetheless. Although being rejected isn’t entirely new for me, but it, being three, and coming at the same week does hurt, but to heal from the gun wounds this is what I did.
Step 1: Realize thy bumps
At the moment of experiencing it — at the moment you hear the words “you’re fired” or read the phrase “I regret to inform you…”, certainly, it would feel big, like an enormous waste of opportunity, a thing that would tarnish all that you’ve worked hard for. But is it really? I realized, does this rejection define me? Is this specific thing (company, school, person) all there is in the world? Of course not! The world is your oyster! There is a lot in there that you still need to see and experience, it’s just a small bump out of so many big ones in your path to success, keep going!
Step 2: Resummon thy momentum
Feeling low is a natural response after being rejected. You will feel low, and it’s hard to get back on track again. But you need to keep going. At the time I was rejected, it was hard to do anything, eat, drink, sleep or do the things I used to like doing, and it sucked, my timetable is all over the place, rescheduling and rescheduling because I kept procrastinating. I lost my momentum, and it made me even more stressed. Nevertheless, what I did was simple. I took off some unwanted things on my list, created a new routine — a breathable, realistic routine. And by small baby steps, I gained my composure and my routine. And yesterweek was forgotten (maybe for a bit).
Step 3: Reshape thy worth
Rejection is interwoven with the ones when we experience physical pain, it’s human anatomy, however, we can brainwash ourselves into honing our thinking that rejection equates not to a wasted opportunity but rather into a detour to a path more appropriate for you. Think that maybe it’s not your time yet, maybe it’s not for you and you deserve something else. And these experiences could shape you to be better, rather than giving dents to your self-worth by torturing it, reshape into the path you want to go to.
“Trees fall with spectacular crashes, but planting is silent and growth is invisible.” — Richard Powers, The Overstory
It’s just a small bump in the long long long road ahead of you. Get back on track! It’ll be okay.
Thank you for reading!
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