Is there such a thing as being change-phobic?

Is there such a thing as being change-phobic?

There are some peculiar phobias that one wouldn’t even think that somebody is severely afraid of like fear of the number 8 called Octophobia, fear of opening one’s eyes called Optophobia, fear of long words called Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is kinda rude towards the people who really have this, (imagine the horror if they’re asked what their phobia is) in short, there’s a lot of phobia that many haven’t really heard of.

But is there really such a thing as fear of change?

Turns out there is. According to Verywellmind.com, fear of change is called Metathesiophobia from the Greek term meta- which means change. It’s defined as “the phobia that causes people to avoid changing their circumstances due to being extremely afraid of the unknown.”

“Everyone experiences fear of change” –Dr.Biali in Psychology Today. Mine just happened to be like a bulldozer pushing me slowly to the edge of the cliff of madness.

In life, we go through phases, we have the Moral Development Theory by Kohlberg, and Psychosocial Development Theory by Erik Ericson, but aside from that we can also see phases as going from kindergarten to college and to- I don’t know whatever is out there after college.

So, I HATED CHANGE, but it's not the case at first. Before, the unknown and what if’s and could be’s, used to excite me, it juggled my insides. But when I left junior high school with both ends of my lips in my ears, thrilled to face the wonderful world of seniors, only to be smacked in the face with paper plate filled with cream and culture shock…I developed  this fear of change.

This was one of my journal entries at that time.

 “If what i felt above(old entries)was crazy, my first 3 weeks here is much depressing, I don’t sit down on that chair in the morning without saying, I don't want to be here, and I don’t go home without saying I want to die, I don't want to go there, i don't want to live. It’s really really exhausting and tiring and depressing and saddening.” –June 21, 2017, Wednesday

The school that I studied in, in junior highschool was the same school that I went to ever since I was in 4th grade and so I knew every crook and crannies, every personnel, teacher and knew my way through it all.  Leaving it used to be a breath of fresh air to me, yet stepping into senior high school made me want to crawl out there and just stay away. I hated the school, the system, the teachers, my classmates who all of those who never did anything to me, hated them solely because they were new.

During those years, I pushed myself inside a shell and never went out. I never tried new things that have a probability of uncertainty, I don’t start things without the questions of “What if?” I hated surprises because I always don’t know how to react, and  I always followed this self-made golden rule that is to “avoid awkward moments as much as possible” to make sure that everything that I do, I have it under control.

I kept telling myself at that time, “Failure to follow this self-made rule is harmful for me.” For the main reason that being ready will always be better than spontaneity. As the ManagementCenter.com noted “no one likes being powerless”.

But as a Volta of this non Petrarchan essay, I soon found the silver lining of senior high school, as the days passed, and I got to spend more time with some of classmates, and the environment,I got to meet people that I resonate to more than the friends that I have in my former school, beautiful people with beautiful stories and wonderful insights that opened me to how much bigger the world is than how I used to thought it was. I got to adjust slowly with the environment, learned a LOT and actually found this new environment more likable than my old one. Most importantly, I got to love and accept this peculiar and awkward personality of mine too.

“there's a world beyond yourself, you must break through, never forget it.” –Susan Hill, Elizabeth

Change. I hated it, but now I crave it,

My journal entries improved from being full of electrons to having a great  thirst for plot twists. I guess things really are hard at first.

Transition still is and will be a fearful part of my future life events, I'm sure of that. There's a big blank after college so I know it will never leave. Nevertheless, the only permanent thing is change, and the way to face these changes... is to go face it.

“To make something good of the future, you have to look the present in the face.” –Simone de Beavoir, The Mandarins

Metathesiophobia, fear of the unknown, fear of losing control and of being powerless, will be my fuel to be more curious, to be SO curious of the mystery that the world has in store for me.

I don’t want to be scared anymore, and that’s the change that I will be manifesting from now on.

“you should see all there is to be seen” –Susan Hill, Elizabeth

And so yes, let’s do that.