It wasn’t that long since I entered college; through the transition of leaving high school towards college, a lot of people would ask me, “What do you want to be in the future?”, or “What are you going to take in college?” sometimes I would answer the same thing that I wrote in my college application then embellish it with generic themes such as working abroad, creating a small business then adding a smile as a cherry on top. Truth be told, I have absolutely no idea, but I am sure of one thing that I want to achieve in the future, it is what I call *clears throat* “fantasy life scenario”.
Okay, okay, lost you there, but hear me out.
You see, I never really knew what I wanted to be, but I made A LOT of effort in soul searching, at first I searched for the “innate” talent or ability that is embedded in my genes or bestowed by the universe that I should be insanely good at. I tried to find it in making art, music, or even singing, but to no avail. The next thing I did was to try, try to be good at something, I picked art, currently, I'm still trying, but it’s safe to say that I suck. As I tried though, I realized that it isn’t good, it’s not enough so I just continued focusing more on my academic life. And then here comes the enrollment forms.
Disclaimer: I'm the type of person who makes hasty decisions at the exact time that the answer is needed, so this isn’t advised.
So, while I was staring at this college admission paper, specifically at the part:
Course of Study:_______________
I started to let myself fall into the abyss. I went over my life and basically played a recap in my head in search of hints that could solve my current dilemma. but to my dismay, my epiphany showed nothing but a specific scene: on a balcony of my two-story residential house (with a slide), sitting in my rattan chair while drinking coffee and watching the sun slowly rise. Colors, orange and yellow engulfed the blue of the sky with delight. My lips formed a smile as I looked at my cat slumbering, purring silently in my chest, I looked back at the sun again and sighed.
And that was it! everything was serene, I have a house, (with a slide!) I still have my cat! and I let out a sigh, that wasn't cause of any distress but because of the tranquility that I felt. That is all I want, to be able to live at that moment, to be in that moment.
So as another episode of impetuous decision-making, what I did was list down all the things that I never want to go through again and find the safest course that wouldn’t align with that, and so Math, begone.
Transitioning from high school to college wasn’t all fun and easy like I make it seem, it was kind of hellish, to be honest, there is pressure here and there some internal and some external. But in the end, I realized, I may not have a clear path or may have gone to the safest choice, but I have a light at the end of the tunnel, it may not be as extravagant or precise as being a lawyer, or being a doctor, I guess as long as I follow my light, the road wouldn’t matter even if it would be muddy or rocky and impeded, what pushes me through is that I have this fantasy dream life scenario that I want to make a reality.
PS It's not the same for everybody ☺ if you have something you’re good at, or something that you legitimately want to be in the future, matey don’t waste opportunities and go after that light! some might not believe in you but if you would weigh it, your trust in yourself weighs a hundred pounds more than theirs. (scientifically proven)
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